Suddenly, I feel relieved. I feel no pain (and I have no gain :P). I feel truly fuck'd up. And I know why. But I don't care anymore. "And then, something happened. I let go. Lost in oblivion. Dark and silent and complete. I found freedom. Losing all hope was freedom." as the quote goes from my favourite movie. I laugh at my pain because I have accepted it. It feels like you got used to it, and it does not hurt like it used to do. It's almost pleasant pain. Released endorphins, opiate for the brain, I feel like air.
P.S. Being FUCKED UP has a good side after all. (but only until self-disillusion lasts)
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